A message of thanks from Johnny Manzon-Santos, Lola’s youngest child.
Many huge-hearted beings supported Lola during the last chapter of her long life. Unending gratitude goes to the Carnelian Assisted Living community where Lola resided for 3.5 years, from late January 2020, just weeks before the Covid pandemic hit, until her death in mid-May 2023. Under the loving direction of Katherine, Adlai, and Jay Grutas, the Carnelian provided exceedingly high quality care that always ensured Lola’s safety, dignity, and sense of belonging. Our family was blessed to be in relationship with so many of their capable and compassionate staff, including Jiovani Alonzo (Resident Care Coordinator who Lola called her honorary son), Ruby, Cynthia, Gemma, Beth, Julian, Josh, Hean, Noel, and Mia, to name those with whom Lola consistently interacted.
Our family sends deep appreciation to the multi-disciplinary team at Hospice East Bay, particularly Sarah Mackle RN, Beth Logan LCSW, Noga Welner-Kessler MSW, Rebecca Steinway MA, and Julie Aronowitz LCSW. Many thanks too to Journey Meadows NP, Melissa Allen NP, Diane Chow DP, and the crew of healthcare providers at Lola’s medical home, LifeLong Medical Care Over 60 Health Center; to Dr. Samer A. Itani and his compassionate team at Itani Dental; to Kristin Luttringer and Kelly Wylie at the Neptune Society of Northern California, who brought our family much needed ease and clarity the week immediately following Lola’s death; to Buck Carmichael at the Contra Costa County Veterans Service Office for navigating and troubleshooting a complex bureaucracy above and beyond the call; to Leslie S. Bradshaw at Holy Cross Catholic Cemetery for facilitating the planting of a cherry tree in celebration of Lola’s life and for reconnecting us with new details of Lola’s mom’s death and burial; and to Helen Olive Milowe, Esq. for ensuring Lola’s final wishes were honored.
Throughout Lola’s journey, we were buoyed by fierce support and wise counsel from all corners, including Lori Avon and her team at Bank of the West’s Brentwood branch, geriatric social worker Anne Aronov and Jewish Family & Community Services of the East Bay, and facilitator Sandi Pilon and fellow attendees of the Alzheimers Association‘s caregiver support group — lifesavers all — which originally met in person at Mastick Senior Center in Alameda, California.
I am grateful to my ex-partner Mickey for proposing that we find a home large enough for Lola to share with us, even as we were in the process of adopting our own child. Having grown up for a time with his own maternal grandmother, he could easily envision a multi-generational family scenario to surround Andrés. He shepherded the building of Lola’s bahay kubo (which roughly translates from Tagalog as “country house,” her go-to phrase when referring to the modest dwelling she would inhabit when she retired “for real”). This self-contained apartment in Oakland, adjacent to our living space, would end up being her last independent residence, and Mickey made sure to realize her desires in many aspects of the design.
Lola’s earlier relocation from Daly City to Brentwood after almost three decades was arduous for a myriad of reasons; moving from Brentwood to Oakland at age 87 presented different challenges. I am thankful for the small but mighty crew of Ron, Michelle, Tihani, Mickey, and Sheilah who showed up at various times to help carefully pack up her belongings.
After Lola moved in, she was not always open to receiving help from people outside our immediate family, even as her needs grew in intensity and complexity. Certain professional caregivers, including Selam Kiflom of Mayflower Seniors Home Services, were able to build trust and support Lola with heart and skill allowing us critical respite. Our extended village pitched in to not only hold Lola and us in their hearts, but also to deliver meals on occasion. Thanks to Cathy, Joanne, Michelle, Nelson, Ron, Rosa, Sarah G, and others. We also built community with the generous staff of Lola’s favorite restaurants including Sampaguita Fil-Am Cuisine, Happy Garden, Fountain Garden Seafood Restaurant, and Phnom Penh Restaurant in Oakland’s Laurel District.
During the last seven years of her life, both at our home in Oakland and at the Carnelian community, Lola’s world became smaller as her cognitive decline accelerated. I could count on a core group of family to show up in the toughest moments. My sisters Hilda and Bonnie, niblings Aimy and Tihani, and cousin Sheilah, who joined me, Mickey, and our child Andrés, in passing countless hours of loving accompaniment and care for Lola. Despite living in New York, Hilda, Aimy, and Sheilah, traveled to the Bay to visit Lola on numerous occasions. The supportive energies of their partners and spouses, Bruce, Pete, Eric, Jason, and Leslie, could always be felt.
Lola was able to connect via Zoom with her eldest grandson Kevin in Hong Kong, and with her grandson Gus who made two trips from the East Coast. Lola’s eldest child, Tony, made his presence felt with a consistent stream of cards for holidays and special occasions.
Lola’s Memorial and Celebration of Life took place on Wednesday, May 24, 2023, and would not have been possible without many loving hands and hearts. Our heartfelt gratitude goes out to:
// St. Stephen Catholic Church community, in particular long-time volunteer leader Chris Lange, Sr. Dominic Marie Bonnici, cantor Lynn Guidi, pianist Susan Comber, and a special ขอบคุณครับ (kop khun krap) to Fr. Lee Chompoochan who delivered a beautiful service.
// Ron Nieberding and Avi Rose for ushering; to Avi for shepherding Lola’s cremains from the Neptune Society of Northern California to the church; to Ty Boyce for troubleshooting the tech; and to Michelle Nemer for meaningful contributions to and eleventh-hour editing of Lola’s obituary and memorial service program.
// Craig Isaacs at Blue Goo and Sheilah Mabry for capturing precious moments photographically.
// Chef Sarah Germany, with Rory Brown and Penny Baldado, for preparing a Filipino luncheon replete with culturally familiar comfort foods, including vegan and gluten-free options.
In the end, more than 100 individuals donated generously toward Lola’s burial expenses, the majority through a GoFundMe appeal set up by Lola’s grandchild Aimy:
Anonymous [14x], Marilyn Alquizola, Ivy Arce, Penny Baldado, Bridget Barbera, Tom Barton, Michael Bell, Jeff Birnbaum & Ariel Krasnow, Tyger Blair, Ty Boyce, Lisa Boza, Elizabeth Branca & Bill Randviir, Patrick Brown, John Canton, Concha M. Chacon, May Cheng, Joanne Connelly & Cathy Cockrell, Cal Coolidge, Pablo Danna, Louise Dunlap, Kate Durham, Thomas Edward, Lawrence T. Ellis, Deborah Fantera & John Fontillas, Sara Farooqi, Holly Fincke, Madeleine (Leny) Fontillas, Victorina Fontillas, William Garcia, Eric T. Gonzales, Ninfa & Ted Gonzales, Belma González, Nancy Graves, Alice Hallaman & Mac Hamill-Stout & Baby Glo, Tomoaki Hayashi, María Hernández, Susan Kegeles, Tihani Ko & Eric Iverson, Elizabeth Kobylarz, Kevin Kumashiro, Thomas Leggemann, Barbara Leone, Anne Leong, Steve Lew, Eric Lloyd, Dan Lomibao, Paul Lomibao, Rob Long, Sheika Luc & Nadia Wynter, Sheilah Mabry, Catherine Macaraeg, Dimitri Mack, Vivien Malazo, Ernest Mark, Lance McCready, Ummi Modeste, Amy Munice, Chinh Nguyen, Eli Olson, Kenji Oshima, Dorothy Pang, Somphanh Phanivong & Frank Meksavan, Elizabeth Pidgeon-Ontis, Cory Pohley, Mark Porter, Avi Rose, Adene Sacks, Roger Santos, Ann Sien & Linda Calarco, Helene Sorcic, Rain Sussman, Sheila Sussman, Maria & Augusto Tagaro, Ian Todreas, Mark Trinidad, Family of Fay Vickroy, Eric Wat, The WithIn Collaborative, John Won, Nancy Wong, Lynn Xue, and Eun Ju Yu.
“Ciao, Lola!” was conceived by Johnny Manzon-Santos and developed in collaboration with artist and designer Joseph Samuel Quisol.
"Ciao, Lola!" 